I’m Back…

Hello! Dominique Gibson is back with another post. I know that it’s been a while since you heard from me. I do apologize, as I have been dealing with a lot since my last post about a month ago. Here are some recent updates about how I have been doing lately.

  1. Quit my job – On November 22nd, I have decided to leave SCC Early Childhood Learning Center as a toddler teacher. The reason behind it was because of the next number down below. This wasn’t an easy decision for me to do but I felt like in the end, it had to be done.
  2. My Severe Back Pain – For a long while, I have been suffering from severe back pain. It started back in January of this year and has been off and on ever since. It has gotten to the point where it is hard for me to get up out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I have been finding ways in order to take care of this and will continue to do so in the future.
  3. Thesis novel – As of right now, I am working on my thesis novel that’s due on December 12th of this month. I haven’t been able to do much of anything except apply for jobs and writing my latest thesis novel. I will be sure to post more information about it here.
  4. I have not forgotten about the Gibson Newsletter for the month of November and December. I will probably combine the November/December newsletter to distribute sometime this month.

That’s it for now. See you soon.

Dominique Gibson

Dominique Gibson knew she wanted to be a writer ever since she sat down at her plastic table and wrote her first book out of sheer boredom at eight years old. Years later, she decided to go get her Bachelor’s Degree from Columbia College Chicago. She is obtaining her master’s degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University. When not writing, she is busy teaching two year olds at a daycare center in Skokie, IL. For more information, check out her website at https://dominiquegibsonauthor.com/2018/06/23/the-journey-begins/ for more information.

Why First Drafts Suck, Part Four

Hi! Dominique Gibson is back with another post. Since I have stated earlier in my videos that I was going to post the final version of the Why First Drafts Suck series, I figured that now would be the perfect time to do it considering how awful I have been feeling within the last couple of days to the point where I wasn’t able to get anything done at all. But, I will be sure to update you on what’s going on a little later, either through my videos on Youtube or through my website here (Who knows? I might do both). But for right now, I wanted to post the latest notes from my Thesis Writing II class on what she thought about the last 10,000 words to the first draft of A Phiman’s Betrayal. Enjoy!

P.S. If you haven’t checked out the last three posts on this series, you can click on the link down below for more details.

Hi Dominique~

I like how Wen becomes more round in this section. I do think that she would not get fired right away. There would be an investigation and they might be suspended, but the boss would get Liam’s version of things and not just take her word. And I don’t know that they’d get fired for dating. That’s over the top. Probably they’d get written up or warned or whatever, so this is extreme, and too fast. Plus Liam is too valuable as a doctor specializing in Phimans to just be tossed aside so easily.

If she wanted to go into investment banking, why didn’t she go that route after she died? Why has she waited so long to pursue her dream? Why be a receptionist and not something more business oriented? And why does she turn to Shawn when he’s been suck a user and abuser?

Evita is really waffley. The whole friend or lover thing isn’t working for me because it feels more artificial than organic. That’s something you’ll want to consider in your rewrite: how to make that conflict more organic to their relationship and story. Why does she think they can’t be friends if it doesn’t work out? Why doesn’t she think love’s worth the try? 

Why does he think that because they had sex she might never speak to him again? Was he that bad? LOL. Seriously, again, the conflict doesn’t feel organic. It feels like it’s constructed because you need a conflict and don’t have one. 

Why, after her mother’s warning, doesn’t she go running to Liam? She pretty much does nothing, even though her mother is giving a pretty dire warning—about Liam and about the island. Seems to me she’d get into gear and give a general warning to anybody that would listen. 

Then when they get to the accident (Liam’s lifeless body suggests he’s dead, but I don’t think you mean it to), and Jazu and she start having a conversation about her and Liam having sex. Right in the middle of a desperate panic moment, they stop to have this conversation. Doesn’t work. 

And then Evita threatens to give the woman–a nurse?–an aneurysm? Really? That’s so not within character. The letter of confession is a little convenient and smacks a little of deus ex machina. You may want to rethink that. 

The ending seems to me to have too much just comfortable talking and explanations while it should be ramping up emotionally. Where Evita is getting agitated and might lose her control, where there’s a threat of Liam waking up and losing control, where the threat of evil on the attack is coming, and so on. Think about what you igth be doing or thinking right when someone you care about might be dying and you could help but you’re not allowed. Focus on that more. 

Focus on all of them getting upset. Why is Lucas not doing more to make sure that Shawn isn’t the only problem? Working on getting information? All that sort of thing. I would think this is a time to shift into high gear rather than slow down. 

I do feel that you’re writing to capture the story and that you have a lot of plans for revision, so you may already be planning to address some of these things. I’m actually a fan of the trope of someone getting into danger or near death and the lover saving them, so the key is to focus on those two. Also, should Evita try to reach him psychically from the waiting room? They won’t let her see him, but maybe she reaches out to him anyway. The fact that she could summon her mom suggests she can, so think about that. I expect she’d be doing anything and everything she could. 

One last thing: you are so familiar with all the jargon of your world and how it all works, but it’s not coming across. I suggest that you do more world building to make sure that your readers understand who the players are, what the organizations do and how the hospital works in terms of shapeshifting, and so on. I think that will serve you well. Having it in the book is a lot more memorable than in an appendix, and this way if anybody reads the books out of order, you situate them in the world so they feel comfortable. 

Good work!

Why First Drafts Suck, Part Three

Why First Drafts Suck Part Two

Why First Drafts Suck Part One

That’s it for now. See you soon.

Dominique Gibson

Dominique Gibson knew she wanted to be a writer ever since she sat down at her plastic table and wrote her first book out of sheer boredom at eight years old. Years later, she decided to go get her Bachelor’s Degree from Columbia College Chicago. She is obtaining her master’s degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University. When not writing, she is busy teaching two year olds at a daycare center in Skokie, IL. For more information, check out her website at https://dominiquegibsonauthor.com/2018/06/23/the-journey-begins/ for more information.

It’s been a while: Update on my YouTube Channel

Hi! Dominique Gibson is back with another post. I do apologize if I haven’t been available to update things on my website, I have been extremely busy when it comes to my schoolwork, my paperwork for my teaching job, the back pain I have been experiencing for the last week, etc. but I wanted to do this post to let people know about what’s going on when it comes to my writing and publishing in general. If you are interested, you can click on the video below to find out what I have been up to within the last couple of weeks.

Update: Please be sure to check back here for the ‘First Drafts Suck’ series within the next couple of days. I will be sure to post it here very soon. I will also update you on the progress of my Kickstarter Campaign. See you soon.

Dominique Gibson

Why First Drafts Suck, Part Three

Hi! Dominique Gibson is back with another post. So, I am continuing the post about why first drafts suck by including more of the feedback I gotten from my professor in my thesis writing class. In it, she gives us her view of what she is seeing as a reader and as an author and provides notes on what needs to be improved when it comes to the novel overall.

Please be on the lookout for the final version (part four) of Why First Drafts Sucks very soon. In the meantime, please read this post and let me know your comments and suggestions on it in the comments section. See you soon.

Hi Dominique~

I’m sorry to say that I have a number of issues with the piece. A lot feels forced and there isn’t enough showing. I’ve detailed those things below. I feel like you’ve got great characters, but that they appear flat because you’re not delving more into the emotional journeys they are taking. I don’t understand some of the plot directions. They seem to come out of nowhere, particularly the stopping the friendship with Liam plot. It isn’t organic to the characters and situations and really doesn’t make any sense.

I also want you to work more on bringing in sensory detail. Concrete detail. Show a lot more than you do.

I think you’ve got some work ahead of you, which I know will be hard, but you can totally do it. One thing I really want you to think about is this: you are very close and engaged in your story, but how much of what’s in your mind has made it to the page? I think it’s a lot less than you know and that’s part of the confusion.

Thoughts on the submission:

If the transforments have all been killed off, then who killed her mother? Wasn’t that a recent death?

If the Ormans and S.E.T. have been around since ancient Egypt, I’m confused about how the technology developed. Did it develop back then and become refined in terms of transforming people? I’m not sure if Ormans are born that way, or if they have to get injected to become so. If the latter, how are they chosen?

If Evita is ‘on the team,’ and is S.E.T., how come Ford doesn’t know about her? And how come she doesn’t make more use of those resources in the course of the novel?

The fact that Ford asks about trouble and she doesn’t tell him because he has more important things to worry about just doesn’t ring true. Not at all. And her little cryptic statement is way too cryptic. Show what she sees and he ought to react and doesn’t. Why not?

You don’t explicitly say she goes to the beach. You don’t give a sense of what it’s like in a sensory way exactly what she’s doing before Shawn attacks.

When Amelia sees the attack, show more of how she feels. Show more of the details around them. Make it more personal. She thinks about using her powers and doesn’t struggle with that decision. Show her stalking the guy and does anybody else notice? What does the place look like? Does she worry about being seen? Basically I’m saying Show a lot more.

When Amelia is watching, it says: “Evita’s eyes were closed and her face was covered.” Then below that, Amelia realizes who it is. So you’ve got a little problem there. Also, doesn’t Amelia recognize the clothing Evita was wearing earlier?

You have a tendency to undermine your pacing by stopping the action and explaining how the character feels. For instance. Amelia sees Evita and her powers spike. Then you talk about the fact that she knew she couldn’t waste time, that Liam had told her things, and etc.

Instead, show what happens. Something like: Amelia’s power spiked. She grappled to bring them under control. Losing it wouldn’t help Evita. What if she was already too late? Fear sliced through her and she …. And then describe what she does.

Even if Jacob was bisexual, Shawn did steal him in the sense that he actively lured Jacob away. Jacob’s sexuality doesn’t really come into question. Does that make sense?

The argument Shawn and Jacob have doesn’t exactly ring true. Why would Jacob keep arguing instead of trying to help Evita if she was in that bad of shape? Why does he start asking about what is going on with Wen? He needs to stay in the moment. It doesn’t make sense that they’d have this argument with Evita dying on the floor right next to them.

Really? Liam thought about ignoring her call for help? I don’t buy it, especially not given his feelings, but on top of that, there’s been an attack and he should feel her desperation and need and know she’s hurt through the psychic link.

When he can’t touch her mind all day, does it feel different than normal? Is he pissed that she’s walling him out? Or is this an unusual enough situation to make his worry legitimate?

Then when she calls for help, he ought to be scrambling, not taking his time and he should totally blow Wen off fast as he’s racing off. It makes no sense.

Would Jazu really answer a call if he was operating? And why doesn’t Liam reach out telepathically? It feels like using their powers is pretty arbitrary sometimes and I don’t understand the rules at all for how it all works.

When he finds Jacob, he goes off on the “isn’t it enough what you did to her,” thing, even though he knows that she’s in trouble. Again, it doesn’t fit the situation that he’d stop and have a conversation. He’d drag Jacob to find her and demand to know about Shawn and what Jacob knows.

You say he’s panicked, but nothing about the way he’s acting shows that.

Why doesn’t Liam immediately fight back with his powers instead of talking to Shawn? It makes no sense. He should also be trying to talk to Evita.

What does  “Say your goodbye to your demise” mean?

Jacob’s reaction is kind of ridiculous, honestly. What did he expect them to do? And how did she explode him?

How does Ford just show up? Why does Jacob know him or of him? The conversation doesn’t flow for me. The focus just seems to shift around oddly and the characters don’t seem to have much real feeling. Evita killed a man. She’s supposed to be saving lives. Why doesn’t she feel shaken, horrified, and guilty? Her friend was murdered, why isn’t she crushed about that? Ford and Lucas seem to be nonchalant.  It’s like they are discussing bad service at a restaurant. It doesn’t feel believable.

I don’t think he gets to keep being a heart surgeon while also being a leader. And why offer the job to him? So far, there’s nothing really that shows what the S.E.T. does, how everybody fits n and the roles they play, and what the job of leader would entail. It doesn’t feel integral to the story, more like decoration, if that makes sense.

None of them seem particularly broken up about Amelia.

Given how much Shawn’s and Amelia’s deaths cause concern—everybody just seems to take that in stride and be kind of nonchalant about it—I can’t fathom why Liam’s relationship with Wen would cause any stir at all. That doesn’t make sense.

A break from their friendship? Really? Why?

The love scene comes out of nowhere and feels forced. Same with the friendship ending. It feel like you wanted to include both of those, but that they don’t flow from the story or what’s happening.

Dominique Gibson

By the way, if you missed out on the first two posts, click on the links below for more information.

Why First Drafts Suck, Part One

Why First Drafts Suck, Part Two

Dominique Gibson knew she wanted to be a writer ever since she sat down at her plastic table and wrote her first book out of sheer boredom at eight years old. Years later, she decided to go get her Bachelor’s Degree from Columbia College Chicago. She is obtaining her master’s degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University. When not writing, she is busy teaching two year olds at a daycare center in Skokie, IL. For more information, check out her website at https://dominiquegibsonauthor.com/2018/06/23/the-journey-begins/.

YouTube Video about my personal life

Hi! Dominique Gibson is back with another post. As I previously stated, I have been going through a lot when it comes to my personal life and I decided to do a video in order to share a little bit of what’s been happening in my personal life and the updated details about my new publishing date when it comes to The Bunmens: A Truson S.E.T. Story. If you are interested in viewing the video, click on the link down below to see it:

By the way, I have changed the date on the latest episodes of The Bunmens: A Truson S.E.T. Story from Fridays to Saturdays. I think it would just be easier on me for writing the episodes while still getting your episodes once a week. See you soon.

Dominique Gibson

The Bunmens: A Truson S.E.T. Story

Dominique Gibson knew she wanted to be a writer ever since she sat down at her plastic table and wrote her first book out of sheer boredom at eight years old. Years later, she decided to go get her Bachelor’s Degree from Columbia College Chicago. She is obtaining her master’s degree in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University. When not writing, she is busy teaching two year olds at a daycare center in Skokie, IL. For more information, check out her website at https://dominiquegibsonauthor.com/2018/06/23/the-journey-begins/ 

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